5 Ways to Maintain Social Wellness: (+ What My Birthday Taught Me About Building Community)

I just had a birthday party. At 36, birthdays look a little different than they did ten years ago…mostly because my friends now have to get home to their babysitters by 10 p.m. Still, it was one for the books. Medicine Disco, a soulful, sweaty, joy-filled dance party in the Hudson Valley hosted by DJ Michael V.

I invited everyone I knew, and somehow most of them came. Old yoga friends from the city, new Hudson Valley neighbors—people from completely different corners of my life—all dancing together in one happy blur of music, movement, and laughter. It was fun, playful, meaningful, and exactly what I wanted.

It also reminded me that belonging isn’t something that happens to us accidentally if we cross our fingers hard enough. It’s something we build on purpose.

As most of you know, when I first moved to Beacon the day before lockdown started, I didn’t know anyone. No built-in community, no “people” of my own. But I did know one thing: I missed dancing. So I followed that.

I reached out to a woman I’d met years ago at a networking event who’d moved upstate. I asked if she knew any DJs in the Hudson Valley. She sent me the Instagram profile for someone named Michael V. I messaged him, we started chatting, and eventually became friends.

Fast-forward a few years. Michael was planning Medicine Disco in Beacon, but needed help finding a venue. I helped him secure one and invited everyone I knew to celebrate my birthday there. He sold tickets, I got to dance with my favorite humans, and worlds collided in the coolest, happiest way.

That night was a culmination of years of small, deliberate steps toward connection. It didn’t happen because I serendipitously “found my people.” It happened because I kept choosing to connect.

For example: when I first started meeting new friends in the Hudson Valley after quarantine ended, I made a point to stay in touch…(and I strategically made it easy to do so) by starting a small newsletter I called Hudson Valley Friends, where I’d share local events, wellness gatherings, and creative things happening around town. I kept a simple spreadsheet of people I met so no one fell through the cracks. It started with a handful of friends I’d met at parties; now it’s grown to hundreds, and I keep a QR code handy on my phone to make it even easier for new folks I meet to join. It’s not about networking so much as it was about nurturing.

See, social wellness works a lot like physical health. If you go to the gym three to five times a week, your body gets stronger. If you stop going, that strength fades. The same is true for your social life. Again, it’s not a “find your people” once-and-done kind of thing—it’s something you maintain through intention, bravery, organization, and consistency.

You don’t need to have the destination figured out. You just need to keep following your joy and curiosity.

So if you’ve been feeling disconnected or unsure of where to start, think of social wellness as a practice, not a destination. Here’s how:

5 Ways to Maintain Social Wellness

1. Follow energy, not arbitrary plans. Start where your joy lives. The rest builds from there. If you love dance, find a dance floor…(or randomly email a DJ via his website’s contact form like I did). If you love art, go to a gallery opening. Let connection grow from what already feels alive, and don’t overthink it.

2. Keep gentle tabs on your people. My spreadsheet isn’t a system—it’s a love list. Staying organized helps make sure the people I care about don’t drift into “we should get together sometime” territory.

3. Keep the invitations coming. Social health thrives on intention. Text someone. Host the thing. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to be real.

4. Reflect and recalibrate. Notice who leaves you lighter and how you show up for others. Connection works best when it’s mutual and maintained with kindness.

5. Remember—belonging is maintenance. Like physical health, it’s something you tend, not something you check off. Keep moving toward what feels nourishing. Keep showing up. Belonging is happening thing.

Social wellness is built from simple, deliberate acts of reaching out, organizing your world around community, and staying brave enough to keep doing it again and again.

You don’t have to wait until you “find your people.” You just have to keep saying yes to the small sparks that make you feel alive. Eventually, you’ll look around—on a dance floor or at your next dinner table—and realize: “Woah, I belong here.”

That’s what happens when you treat your social life like a practice.

Learn more about Eli Walker and her P.L.A.Y. Method, or contact her team at The Uplift Center to build belonging for your people.